Floored

Last Thursday, we got our Day 5 update on our embryos. As a reminder, we’d started with at least 15–potentially 19. It was a new record.

The nurse said we had three nearly at the blastocyst stage and one was still at the previous stage–the morula stage. The rest were still somewhat progressing, but the nurse felt it was pretty clear they weren’t going much further. 

She promised to call the next day with another update. 

In our two previous cycles, this has typically been the way of things. We start out with decent numbers and then there’s a big drop by Day 5. I was expecting it in this round, even with the improved number of eggs and embryos to start. 

What I really didn’t expect and what really left me floored was our Day 6 update. 

They called Friday morning and, after the usual pleasantries, asked me to provide my date of birth. I did, and then the nurse proceeded with: 

Unfortunately, none of the embryos have made it to the final stage. I’m sorry. This is going to be the end of this cycle. Your nurse will be in touch with you to schedule your regroup with your doctor. 

I really couldn’t believe it. None? Absolutely none? We started with 15. How does that happen?

She didn’t really have an answer for me. There was one yesterday that almost made it to the blastocyst stage, but she said it wasn’t stable enough to biopsy and freeze. 

This process really doesn’t make sense to me sometimes. It never even occurred to me we wouldn’t have any embryos make it. We’ve always had a couple of embryos grow to the final stage. Only two out of those five were viable, but still… we got embryos. 

I haven’t really addressed it yet here, but, prior to starting this cycle, Nick and I decided this would be our last egg retrieval–-whether or not we get any viable embryos. It’s a lot to put your body through in a short amount of time, it can be painful and uncomfortable, it’s stressful, and calling it an emotional rollercoaster is truly an understatement. 

I don’t mean to sound as though we’re not grateful for the two embryos we do have. At this point, I think it’s a small miracle we have any embryos at all. But I’m also a realist. Our clinic has the highest average success rate of Frozen Embryo Transfers (FET) in the state; it’s around 66%.

I also have my sister’s experience to draw from. She had seven viable embryos. The first one took (Duncan); the next three didn’t. Her fifth one did (Connor). 

In a previous blog, I put this all in perspective with some numbers. And now that we have new numbers, I’ll do that again:

Since we started trying to start our family, sperm has met egg 46 times. Once naturally and 45 times through the IVF/embryology process. Of those, only two were viable. That’s a 4% success rate. 

And that’s why I’m so much less certain about the next phase. 

We won’t have any extra. They could both take just fine, and we could have two kids. We could have one implant properly and three years down the road, the second one might not. It’s possible neither could result in a pregnancy. 

In our regroup with Dr. C., I’d like to learn more about the clinic’s success rates and even if it’s worth considering implanting both embryos at once. I don’t particularly want twins, but maybe it’d be better to try for both and maybe have our two kiddos at once. 

We are moving on to the next stage of the process, but, again, I feel a lot less certain about it than I did before. I really thought we’d at least get one or two more. The fact we didn’t means there’s a lot more riding on those tiny, frozen potential Jacksons. 

Here’s hoping they truly are miracles.