Grieving

There’s really no other way to describe how we felt after this news other than grief. We were so sure we were going to be pregnant in just a couple of months. It never even occurred to us we might not be. 

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It was grief for the potential baby we weren’t going to have. Grief that we might not be able to have a family of our own. Grief that we’d spent all our money and come out empty-handed.

There was also a fair amount of uncertainty. Would we even be able to do it again? Even if it were a fluke we didn’t have normal embryos, how would we afford a second round?

To be perfectly honest, I don’t think I’ve cried as much in my entire life as I did the months following this phone call. 

Even today (as of writing this in mid-August, we’re two months past the gut punch), it randomly hits me when I least expect it. 

Sometimes I’ll be driving along, seemingly fine, and some lyrics from a song will catch me off guard. Those floodgates aren’t doing a great job anymore.

Let’s just say this is a hard road, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.