Bundt Inner Often

A little over three years ago, my husband and I got pregnant. I could hardly believe it; we’d only been trying for about six months or so. I took the test on a whim after experiencing some out-of-the-norm cramping and headaches. I’d also started waking up early, even before my alarm. (For those who know me, that is a HUGE sign something is going on.)

When I looked at the positive test, I couldn’t believe it. I kept repeating “Holy sh*t, holy sh*t.”

I’d always intended to tell Nick in a fun, surprising way, but I was so overwhelmed that the test said positive, all I could do was walk up to him, hand him the test stick, and say “Can you confirm what I think that says?”

While we had been trying, I did have some reason to be surprised. It had taken several years for my parents to get pregnant with my older sister. At one point, they didn’t think it would happen and had started the process to adopt. 

My sister had also experienced unexplained infertility issues and, after a few years of trying, was pregnant with her first via in vitro fertilization (IVF). 

The next day after I tested, I called my sis and told her. I just felt like I had to tell someone. I knew it was still early, but it was so exciting! (Shout out to my sis and Drea for learning the news while my parents were visiting them and not spilling the beans…)

We also called my eldest brother-in-law and his wife to share the news. Nick and I each wanted to tell someone without announcing it to the whole world just yet.

My parents were coming out a week later, and we decided to go ahead and tell them. It would be so exciting to share the news in person! We even devised a fun game where I altered two “Mad Gab” cards to be pregnancy-related: 

“Weave gouda bundt inner often.”
We’ve got a bun in our oven.

“Wear do infrared brewery.”
We’re due in February. 

“Might otters praying nut.”
My daughter’s pregnant.

“Nickel bean afar there.”
Nick will be a father.

A couple might have been a bit of a stretch, but I thought they were clever. 

We also scheduled a video chat with my in-laws to share the news with them. Of course, we struggled with connectivity issues, and the Mad Gab game didn’t go so well with them. A little bit of hilarity ensued, and then we eventually blurted it out. 

They were overjoyed. 

When my parents came to town, I had a hard time keeping mum. I kept pushing us to “play this new game…” and I think they started to get suspicious. Especially when I insisted we play it right after I got home from work–in the one hour we had before we left for a softball game. 

I secretly recorded it. They were surprisingly good at the game (we did a few normal rounds first to avoid too much suspicion). Their reaction was priceless. 

After we shared the good news, it was time to go to softball. 

During the game, I started feeling crampy. I wasn’t worried, though; the doc had said cramping in the first few weeks is normal. 

When I got home, it was clear it wasn’t just cramping. I knew something wasn’t right. I scheduled a doctor’s appointment for the next day. The ultrasound was inconclusive. The midwife ordered blood tests to confirm my human chorionic growth (HCG) levels. 

Even though the midwife tried to remain positive and hopeful, I could tell: I’d lost the pregnancy. There was an emptiness where a fullness had been only a day before. 

The blood tests confirmed it; my HCG levels were going down. I’d had a miscarriage. 

It was still incredibly early. I wasn’t quite six weeks. We’d only known for one week that we were pregnant. 

We were told we could try again in a couple of months. And though we were both incredibly sad, we were also encouraged. We’d gotten pregnant. If we could do it once, we could do it again. Right?

I stopped tracking everything and tried to be more relaxed about trying. Maybe if we removed the stress of monitoring everything, we’d have even better luck. 

I thought that for the first few months after our miscarriage. It happened in June 2019. 

Fast forward three years, and we still haven’t gotten pregnant again.