Wow, I didn’t expect this to be a three-parter, but the more I started reliving Rowan’s birth and writing it out, the more I started remembering everything. (I know it’s been a minute, so here’s a look back at Pt. 1 and Pt. 2.)
Memory is a funny thing. During the labor, I thought for sure I would remember every little detail. It was a pretty traumatic experience that had a pretty amazing result, but the trauma of everything I went through has really faded in the past year. In fact, I had go back to my Kaiser medical record to at least jog my memory on when the big things happened.
Anyway, I digress. It’s time to pick up where I left off last blog…
At this point, it was probably late morning on Sunday, April 21. As a reminder, I’d gone in to the hospital in the early afternoon of Friday, April 19.
The doctor came in and talked about our options. We discussed that while I was on the max dose the hospital allowed for Pitocin, he had seen studies that higher doses were still safe. He was willing to up the dose if I really wanted to continue and try and deliver naturally.
He also said that it had been a long labor with little progress and a C-section was reasonable.
The decision was fully up to me, and he would support it either way.
I want to pause for one moment to just say how grateful I am to ALL the doctors who helped throughout Rowan’s birth. I’ve heard some true horror stories of awful delivery doctors from friends, and every single doctor who helped during Rowan’s delivery was truly incredible and supportive.
Nick and I discussed it, and my parents were there to offer their support as well, and we decided it was time to move forward with a C-section. And then something really unexpected happened.
I had an incredibly visceral reaction to that decision, and I just started bawling.
I knew a C-section was likely given my family history. But apparently, knowing it was a possibility and knowing it was a certainty were two very different things. I wasn’t expecting to be as scared as I was in that moment. In addition to the tears, there was also a fair amount of shaking.
There was one surgery before mine, and while we were waiting, another anesthesiologist came to see me. He checked on my epidural and asked how it felt. I told him it was pretty great. I had one small patch on my left hip where I could occasionally feel contractions, but when I shifted my weight, that area numbed back up.
He assured me that, for the C-section, he would “paint the fence” with the anesthetic, and that I wouldn’t feel a thing.
Random side note: Our friend Meagan had let us know she was neighbors with an anesthesiologist at our hospital. And, as fate would have it, he’s the one who did the anesthesia for my C-section. I don’t remember his name (sorry, again, lots of drugs!), but I do remember his dog had a really cool name… Juggernaut.
Then, around mid-day, it was our turn to go back to the operating room. Nick was able to come back with me, but he had to get suited up first while they got me ready. I did not anticipate being fully naked on the table (at least until they’d covered everything but the surgery area), and my aforementioned similarity to a yeti was on full display.
The doctors and nurses explained I would feel pressure and tugging, but I shouldn’t feel any pain. They also said it’s common for women to become nauseated and vomit during the procedure (oh great!).
The anesthesiologist said they would test my numbness twice before the procedure started, but I only recall it happening once. I was surprised when he told me, “They’ve already got you opened up.”
I could feel pressure, and I was fortunate I didn’t get sick. In fact, when I felt Rowan coming out, it just felt like a relief. It felt good, honestly. He was here!
Rowan Dennis Jackson arrived at 1:11 p.m. on Sunday, April 21. He weighed 7 lbs. 9 oz. and measured 19.5” long.
I have to pause here and give major props to Nick. He is typically squeamish with blood and surgery (really almost anything medical), and he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to handle watching Rowan being born. Even though he did see a lot of blood, he held it together and focused on Rowan. He even cut the cord–something he wasn’t sure he’d be able to do!
When Rowan came out, one of the nurses commented, “That’s a lot of hair!” And he did have quite the patch of dark hair on his little head! He also still had lots of lanugo–the soft, downy hair that covers a newborn’s body.
They showed me Rowan and then quickly moved him to the warmer so Nick could cut the cord. Once they’d done that, they put him on my chest. I had to ask Nick to push my glasses down on my nose so I could see Rowan’s face clearly. (For those who don’t know, I’m basically blind without my glasses or contacts. The nurse had put Rowan close to my face, but it was close enough that I couldn’t tilt my face enough to see his face through my glasses, and he was far enough away that looking at him underneath the lenses meant his face was blurry.)
After they sewed me up, they took us back to a recovery room where Nick and I could both hold Rowan, and we tried breastfeeding for the first time (more on that adventure later…). It was almost surreal. He was actually here! Soon after, we were taken back to our delivery room.
The first night with Rowan was a bit of a blur. I think the multiple days of being on magnesium finally caught up to me. As usual, people were in and out throughout the night to check on me, but now, there was another tiny human in the room who also had to get checked on… and who had a lot of feelings about his new location outside of mom.
Because I was still on the magnesium, I wasn’t allowed to get out of bed. So Nick had to do all the checking on Rowan throughout the night. He had to do that for our first couple of nights. (Again, major props to Nick for being the only one who could care for Rowan, other than the nurses.)
The next morning, I remember feeling incredibly weird. I don’t know if it was the magnesium, exhaustion, delirium, or a mix of all of the above, but I felt strange. I didn’t feel like my eyes could focus on anything, and I just felt confused.
After checking all of my bloodwork, everything came back normal. I don’t know what it was, and I don’t think the doctors did either, but fortunately, it passed quickly. After that, though, the doctors did decide to stop the magnesium drip. It was protocol to have it go a little longer than they did, but my blood pressure was looking normal again.
We were in the delivery room through Monday afternoon, and then we were moved to the much smaller post-partum recovery room.
And that’s where we’ll pick up next blog–the recovery and breastfeeding.
Another random side note: The background for this week’s blog image is courtesy of Rowan! He managed to take a major close-up of my pajamas one morning while we were cuddling and he was playing with my phone. It turned into a pretty cool abstract!
IVF That 