Focus

A couple weeks ago, I shared about my anxiety surrounding the frozen embryo transfer (FET) phase, and you might be wondering, am I doing anything about that anxiety? The answer is yes; I’m trying really hard not to stew in my concerns and worries. 

But I’ve also been trying to shift my focus.

I’ve been trying especially hard to focus on our why and focus on the good. 

Our why is pretty simple. Nick and I want kids and to have a family. That’s never been in question for either of us. 

And yes, I do have anxiety about becoming a mother, but I also think that’s pretty normal. There are also parts of parenting I can’t wait for. 

I can’t wait to one day share with kiddos about the things I’m passionate about. Maybe it will be something we can share together. Maybe I’ll get lucky and have a kid who loves horses as much as I do. Or maybe a child who enjoys writing or playing piano.

Maybe one or both of our kids will enjoy video games – something Nick is very passionate about and something I’m enjoying more and more. 

Nick and I are also pretty athletic, and we would love it if our children are the same. I’m excited to go to games or sporting events, recitals, choir shows, musicals, and any other activities our kiddos choose to pursue. 

I also look forward to one day having grown adult kids who I can have good conversations with and simply enjoy spending time with – much like Nick and I are with the Prebles and the Jacksons. 

It’s really the baby and toddler phase that has me the most worried, but as I’ve witnessed with my nephews and have heard from many parents, those phases go by so quickly. In fact, every phase goes by fast. 

I saw a quote once about parenthood that seems appropriate here: 

The days are long, but the years are short.

Gretchen Rubin

Looking back at how much we’ve been through to get where we are – how many ups and downs we’ve had, how poor our success rates have been – it’s no wonder I’ve had anxiety about this next phase. 

But that’s why I’m focusing on the good. And the good is simple: We have two embryos. Two absolute miracles that surprised us in the best way possible. We had already told ourselves the odds were so against us, it was more likely than not those two wouldn’t be viable.

And then they were.

We’ve discussed a plan with Dr. C. if one or both don’t end in pregnancy (more on that next week), but for right now, we potentially have a family. 

That’s something I didn’t think I’d be able to say after our first failed IVF in 2022.